My Boyfriend Won't Let Me Go

I'm sick and tired of waiting. Waiting for what? 

I don't know. 

I pray every night, crying my eyes out to God for help: help me handle the present. Help me cope with my bearings. Help me heal and rise from this. He won't let me go and I have no patience left. Sometimes I just want to let go. Run away into another world where there's no one I know;  and so I did. I came here, but he still wouldn't let me leave in peace. 

Believe me or not, I am strong. Every single night of the past 2 years felt like hell, became my worst nightmare. I see and feel the pain over and over again, every night when I wake up. I say to myself; it's gone, he's gone and I will get through this as well. I don't want to become that sick girl anymore, looking for attention. But I don't want to be the dead girl who lives for some sick bastard either. Better to be on my own, better to be with nobody. I have lost all my trust for everyone, for my self, for my family. I don't believe in anything anymore. It's just easier like this. Better than getting hurt. But I still get hurt by the same guy. Everything he does is just too much for me. I want to escape. I want to save myself.

Help...